I read this term "Love Tank" in "The Five Languages Of Love" by Gary Chapman. It means we have a need for love and if our love tank is empty.. well.. we feel lousy. So how are you feeling? Is your love tank full?
I was attarcted to this story about a couple who lived in a beautiful house but they did not feel loved. After talking to both of them Gary decided to get them to appreciate each other . He calls it " Words Of Affirmation" . So he got them to write things about each other that they liked. The wife liked the husband's hard work but felt neglected. The husband liked her being a good mother.
Months later the hubby was pretty happy because his wife expressed appreciation for his hard work. ( He was a workaholic .. trully ). But the wife was not happy . Why? She told Gary he never spent time with her.
( of course lah ) . Mm.. Gary said he had made a big mistake because he thought her PRIMARY language of love was the same as that of her husband. He wanted appreciation. Actually she wanted QUALITY TIME.
That does not sound very romantic does it? But you know when he describes it... actually it is..Quality Time is sitting and looking at each other. I fully agree. Giving each other full attention ( not in front of the TV).
So I quess that means you have to plan to go for a walk ( not in the supermarket ) and hopefully when you talk you are not scolding or complaining or boasting.
Just open your heart and share your fantasies...that is the best part of you.
Tell me what happens ok?
And if your love tank is empty.. er...I think you need to let your lovey dovey know what is your PRIMARY language of love...
Or you could post it in this blog... it's for helping us to express our feelings.
Let me leave you with this thought. Psychologist William James said that the deepest human need is the need to be appreciated. Do you agree?
2 years ago
2 comments:
Hello Mdm Mary Anne..
To answer your question, I don't think Human deepest needs are appreciation. What we really need is attention. Why attention?
let me start with babies. When you have babies, they cry a lot. They didn't only cry because they're unhappy, but they also cry because they want some food and other demands.Since they dont know how to talk,by crying, they get their parent's attention & they get what they need.
Now we start with a children. Children are always active. They tend to run everywhere and touch everything. What they are doing is, they want to know things. I think many of them don't tend to ask questions like "pa, what is that?" or "ma, why is that so?" they just go and figure out everything by themselves.At this point somehow, parents can intervene and tell them what they want to know. Sorry if this does not make you really understand. Let me give u a situation.
You saw a bee, you tried to touch it then suddenly "*your name*!! Dont touch that! It bit u later wor!" ya, you were a kid,When people shouts at you,you dont know what is that & u felt unloved, which makes you go against their instructions, then you got stung.
Now, change it to"*your name*, that's a bee. It will bite you if you touch it." there u go, u got your information, and your attention. U will feel you would like to ask more from your parents.
Now, the teenagers.Teenagers usually expected to have independence on their own in their range of age. The parents pay less attention to them, which makes them feels unloved. They seek attention by doing wrong stuffs like vandalism and many more. For some, they get themselves someone to love them there's the term BGR(Boy-Girl Relationship) came into their life.
There's not much about adult I can say here because I dont really saw much of the adults so far.
I think thats all. Thank you. By the way, If anyone think that my opinion was wrong, please do correct me. I need attention.(^_^)
-Raphael-
Raphael,
What a well thought out reflection. I am replying here because for I could not log in...!
I hope you will activate a lot of discussion.
I never thought of attention as a need but you have argued it with good examples. I dare say you would be a good lawyer..
And you also have a witty twst at the end.
I must say I tend to agree with you ... we do want attention. Perhaps as love.
Then again what about our need for a meaningful life? What is a meaningful life to you?
If anyone else wants to share .. please do..
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